um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
