dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
