my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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