i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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