She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
