Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
