So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
we're so committed to being not committed
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
