i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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