Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
