This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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