I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
