Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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