So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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