hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
