I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
3 2 1 whiskey
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
