Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
