What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
