I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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