You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
