Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
