Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
