If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
