I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
