went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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