I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
