Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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