just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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