Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
