So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
