i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Still dying that you shit outside
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
