I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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