Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
