I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
