I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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