On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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