I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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