can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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