her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
