Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
