i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
