Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
