my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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