I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
