Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
