If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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