walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
