you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
