i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
