Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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