I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
