Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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